Frustration

I just finished reading through my setting of “Amazing Grace.”  No wonder I’ve stopped composing.  Why do I bother to go to the trouble to write something that is so inventive and lyrical — so good — only to have nobody give it consideration. And please to all of you who tell me that it’s the act of creating, the satisfaction of creating a piece of music that should be an end in and of itself, I say  that’s just so horse manure I can smell it a mile away. It’s easy to say those things when you’ve managed to have your music performed.  You may not have achieved stardom, but you’ve at least ascertained a level of success with having your music published and performed. That, at least, gives you hope for future performances and helps spur you on to write more.  When you are totally ignored or dismissed it becomes harder and harder to become motivated to compose.  Moreover, the insult is amplified when I constantly hear music that is so much worse — simply bad — not only getting performed, but actually lauded whilst my unheard manuscripts pile up or clutter up my computer’s memory.  Is is any wonder I’m depressed?

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