I was up to 3:00 a.m. a few days ago writing something for my other blog. It was stuff that had been (still is) on my mind. The steroid I was taking for the poison ivy I contracted clearing some brush to the gate to our backyard wouldn’t let me sleep, so I decided to take advantage of my insomnia and clear my head of some of the reasons for my extended absence (or more like non-activity).
In short, I’ve been going through a period of re-evaluation. I’ve been following the WCC/Rider situation, but have been only marginally involved as I’ve been struggling with adapting to my new life up here in New England. Moreover, my conflicted relationship with my alma mater haven’t afforded me the level of championship to the cause as my confreres. It’s complicated. As I begin this new life journey, most likely sans musique — or at the most peripherally — I see my consociation with WCC as anterior, therefore, having little relevance to my present life. I now see my primary function in life, at least for the present, as tending to the house, gardening, taking Blaze out for his walk/run, reading through my library of song and various piano works and eventually composing again; but, the idea of being actively involved in “the music scene” is simply out of the question. I realise the dream of music has long come and gone — especially as an organist or a conductor.
Facing reality is always difficult, particularly when one has lived a fantasy almost all of one’s life. But, at least I’ve managed to come to terms with a few years left. So, now I can redirect my efforts to more constructive things such as becoming more actively involved in my community and further developing my growing interest in art and art history. Maybe I rent myself out as a private tour guide. Hmmmm.